The Other Side of Modesty

When we hear the word modesty, the first thing that comes to mind is clothing that covers everything or the majority of your body. Dressing modestly is something I have grown up with and have been around my entire life. And it can be considered a "hot topic" regarding what girls and women wear. Especially when it comes to places like schools and the workplace. But most people don't realize that modesty isn't just about what you wear; it is also about how you act around others and toward yourself. 

Photo by Amanda Canas on Unsplash

I am talking about this because I read an article on my Facebook feed the other day about a father who posted a picture with his two daughters in their homecoming dresses. And it was talking about his response to the people commenting on the style of the dresses. I don't remember the article's name, but I do know that it mentioned "girls to dress, so they don't distract boys," as well as saying that they are "asking for it." In response to those comments, the father says, "It's not his daughter's job to ensure your son is focused in school...It's your job to not raise a pervert with no self-control." So that is part of why modesty isn't just about how we dress at home or in public. 

While writing this, I looked up the word modesty in the dictionary. Using the online Merriam-Webster version, I noticed that the second definition of the word modesty is this:

2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct 

With that in mind, we need to realize that being modest isn't just about how we dress; it is also about how we speak and act around others. This also plays into the narrative of what women wore when sexual assaults happened to them. Because the amount of clothing doesn't matter in that instance. What should matter is that the assault occurred because the man couldn't control himself. It isn't up to women to police the thoughts and actions of men; it is the man who has to do it for himself. That plays a large part in why women often travel together in groups, etc., so we can look out for each other if others can't control their thoughts or feelings. 

While dressing modestly isn't bad, we must remind ourselves that it also goes hand in hand with how we act and speak around others and ourselves. Speaking negatively can affect how we interact with each other now and in the future. We also need to work on the difference between a compliment and being a creep. At the end of the day, we need to remember that being modest isn't just about how we dress it is also about how we act and speak with each other.